"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
-Joshua 1:9

God is commanding Joshua to cross the Jordan river into an unknown land filled with enemies. Understandably, a man may fear what awaits him, the uncertainty of the future. But he goes... trusting, listening and obeying God.
My will or God's will?"God, I want to go here. Lord, I want to go there. I want to do this, I want to do that". Do you see a pattern here? It's all about me. The problem is that I am presenting my will to God and asking Him to bless it. I've humbly come to the realization that instead, I am to surrender all of myself to Him. I am to bow at His feet and say, "God, here I am. Where do You want me to go? What do You want me to do?". Rather than presenting my will to God, I need to ask Him to present His will to me.
The Initial Call
God is an amazing, detail oriented God. For quite some time I have had it on my heart to go on a mission trip. The question I've always had is "where and why?". As I was browsing the website of the church I belong to (
calvarymurrieta.com), I cam across the missions page. While browsing through the various upco

ming mission trips, something grabbed my attention... Cambodia. Why you ask? Not sure to be honest. A few seconds later my attention was further grasped on the contact name for the mission trip to Cambodia... Ted Turnure. "What? Ted didn't say anything about going to Cambodia". Interested in what my friend was going to be doing in Cambodia (but not really desiring to go), I text messaged him and asked him to fill me in.
The Starbucks Starter
About a week later Ted and I sat down at the famous Starbucks and began to chat. There is something about sitting down and having a cup of coffee with a brother that blesses my soul. As Ted began to fill me in on Cambodia, my heart was touched, pricked, and the Holy Spirit began to move. Interestingly, Ted asked how I even knew about the Cambodia trip. Come to find out, it wasn't really even suppose to be on the church website (well, according to Ted anyway. God had a differing opinion). As the Spirit began to move he invited me to come along as he felt it would be a blessing to have me there in the work they planned on doing. Of course, we agreed to pray on it to see where the Lord leads before making any pathetic human decisions. So we prayed, parted and continued to pray.
The Confirmation
Ever pray consistently about something and feel like God maybe doesn't hear you, or that He is ignoring you? Yeah, that's kind of how I felt. Of course, being a young American with an anxiety disorder, I want everything now! Well, God doesn't work like that. After about a week I received a voice mail from Ted explaining that they were giving a public tour at the GRN (
globalrecordings.net/
en/) headquarters in Temecula, Ca and something about a Cambodian missionary. I agreed to his invite and a few hours later I found myself in this building with a large group of people I didn't know. They gave us a tour of GRN, which was just an amazing eye opener. I love that ministry. They take the great commission quite seriously. If you're not familiar with them, I encourage you to visit their website I provided above and check them out.
After the tour, we were led into a large room and were seated. At that time the Spirit had so moved in me because of what this ministry was about. It really blessed me. As we settled in our seats, a couple came up to speak. They were Cambodian missionaries. They had spent years in Cambodia. The husband was an American, and the wife had grown up there as a result of her family migrating there from China. Her testimony was intense and emotional. She had been living in Cambodia when all the turmoil, genocide, killing, etc. had taken place by way of the Khmer Rouge (1975 - 1979). Some of her family members died, she was running and hiding for her life. Bless God she eventually reached a refugee camp where God called her to salvation. She then was moved to San Fransisco, where she met her husband. Years later they ended up back in Cambodia as missionaries. Needless to say this brought an awareness to me regarding the current state of the Cambodian people. I guess God wanted to get my heart nice and soft for it.
While we were there, Ted had tapped me on the shoulder... pointing to a man across the room. "See that guy right there?" he asked. It just so happened to be one of the Directors of "Water of Life", the ministry in Phnom Penh, Cambodia who will be hosting our stay there. What are the chances? God is so cool. Afterward Ted introduced us, and we began to talk about Cambodia. He greatly encouraged me to go, and explained that I would be welcome there.
For any unbelievers who may be reading, this is the point in which you hear us crazy Christians say things like "the Lord is calling me to Cambodia", or "God has put this on my heart". At this point God was sending me a clear message, a message which would soon turn into doubt.
The Doubt
It seemed to me that God wanted me to go to Cambodia, so I drafted a support letter and sent it out. In the first 36 hours I raised $600! The following week I received another $100. Wow, is God good or what? Then... nothing. Weeks went by and I hadn't received another dollar. I began to doubt. Maybe God had other planes? Maybe He was using this to do something else. What should I do???
"Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!" - Psalm 27:14. Kind of hard to do when you live in a culture of fast food, OnDemand, DVR's, instant messaging, email, etc., etc., etc. But I waited, and continued to pray. A month went by, and I was still at $700. I needed $1100 to buy my ticket... I was $400 short. I had accepted the fact that I was not going to Cambodia, and trusted that the Lord had guided me to do all of this for a different reason that I didn't know yet. My wife and I made an agreement with God... "If you want me to go, you'll provide the funds. If not, then I am totally content with that".
Folks began to ask why I didn't just go? Borrow the money in good faith! Get the ticket while you can! International flights can sell out quickly. "No" I said. "That is man trying to make it happen. I want God to make it happen. If He's not in it, than neither am I". Praying... waiting... praying... waiting. Oh well.
I told Pastor Larry and Ted on a Thursday night that I wouldn't be joining the Cambodia team. It seemed final, I wasn't going.
God's Timing and Ways
That following Sunday, lo and behold, a brother I hadn't seen in over two years walked up to me after service and out of nowhere wrote me a check for $400 (jaw hits floor). How did he know that I needed that? How did he know the amount I needed? ANSWER: God.
Now if I were God, I would have just given me the money in the beginning. Why did He wait? Better yet, why did He make
me wait? Funny how we all have our "if I were God...". Guess what, I'm not God. I am a lowly, filthy hearted sinner who knows no better for myself than a dumb sheep walking off a cliff.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord." - Isaiah 55:8.
One thing I can say is this... it is so liberating and freeing to just wait on the Lord. Surrendering myself to Him through this time and allowing Him to guide and work has not only blessed me, it has allowed me to hear from God in a real, absolute and clarifying way. If He would have just flopped the money on the table I wouldn't have been able to see His hand in all of this like I have.
Now there is not one shred of doubt in my soul that Jesus wants me to go to Cambodia. Although it is scary to leave my wife and kids for 17 days, to fly for 19 hours to the other side of the world, to be in an environment with people who are poor, sick, disease ridden, have no clean drinking water, etc... but like Joshua, I will put my trust in the LORD GOD. I will be courageous, I will not be afraid, I will not be dismayed, for the Lord my God is with me wherever I go.
In His will,
-Chad